A Racism Reality Check: Healing Our Childhood Wounded-ness

We are seeing a lot in the news about BLM and racism. To get us on the same page, let’s look at how Wikipedia defines racism:

“Racism is the belief that groups of humans possess different behavioral traits corresponding to physical appearance and can be divided based on the superiority of one race over another. It may also mean prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against other people because they are of a different race or ethnicity. Modern variants of racism are often based in social perceptions of biological differences between peoples. These views can take the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems in which different races are ranked as inherently superior or inferior to each other, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities.”

I read an article today in which the author called white people words like stupid, juvenile, ridiculous and more. She went on to say, “The movement of BLM is to uplift and support a group of human beings out of racial oppression, and to reject and detest the system and belief practice that has bought us here.”

I found that and the rest of her article quite disturbing. Although her intent seems to be a good one—to lift and support a group of human beings out of racial oppression—her attempt is at the detriment of all humans. And I know that is not what she was meaning to do. She, and others of similar sentiment, miss the entire point of having a life, any life, black or otherwise, MATTER.

She went on to say “We are the Human Race. One race, rich and diverse in culture, religion, belief, and color.” By that one very real and true statement—the only true statement in her article—she not only contradicted herself, but served to do more harm than good. And once again, it is not what she meant to do. If we are indeed one race, then with her blatant and unapologetic dehumanizing of one group, she serves to dehumanize not only people of color, but herself too. And the black lives she so passionately wants to uplift are pushed deeper into the Stinky Muck of racism. Raising someone up by putting or pushing another down never works.

When a person or group of people brings energy to the mastermind of consciousness of prejudicial treatment of one group of people (in this case black people), they are actually creating great injustice to those very same people they want to uplift. With your energy, whether positive or negative, you not only make the problem bigger with your brand of focus, but you pour gasoline on the fires of those who may be resentful already.

People are embracing the fact that white people by their very nature are to some degree racist. But what many people are still missing is the fact that racism, as disgusting and awful as it can be, is the nature of the human beast—not just the white human beast.

I am a firm believer and passionate proponent that prejudice, bigotry, discrimination and antagonistic behavior toward another is wrong on every level. That said, if what I said in the last paragraph is true, that would make people of any color racist to some degree too. Even animals are drawn to their own color, species and kind. It is hardwired in us from birth. The people we see and smell and feel as we open our eyes for the first time are members of our ancestral tribe. There are exceptions I am sure, but for the most part, every creature on this planet is first drawn to its own kind. However, even though we are drawn to our own kind, the disparaging of another kind is a learned behavior. Imagine a mother with her two-year-old playing in the backyard. The mom is not a dog lover...and the neighbor’s dog wanders into her yard for a play session. How does she react? “Get out of my yard! Go away! Go home you annoying beast!” What does her two-year-old learn from that behavior? See my point?

The arguable piece about racism is not that we are often most comfortable around beings we identify as most like us. The piece about racism that is so hard to wrap our minds around is that piece that includes being prejudicial and antagonistic in our racism. The piece that allows for violence against another or another’s property. The piece that is hurtful, discriminatory and destructive. That behavior is just not acceptable for any human of any color. It is the truth of humanity as we know it. But, it doesn’t make it right to disparage another because of his/her differences from us.

When a black mom said to me, “My youngest son is still cute at seven years old, but I fear for my teen son when he leaves the house. I am afraid he will come home in a box.”

I understand her fears. They are real! But aside from expressing those fears, what is she doing? She is fueling the mastermind that creates her reality of racism. And the larger that mastermind gets by people’s beliefs and fears, the worse racism becomes.

Or what about the white woman who accused a black man for attacking her, when indeed it was she who had her dog off-leash in Central Park. The way I read the article, the man was in the right in asking her to put her dog on a leash, and she was clearly lashing out at him for calling her out. And she was white and he was black. What is she fueling by her action? What was he fueling by his response? Was it the ever-so misguided concept of ‘white person privilege’, or was it racism against blacks? Or both? Or something else entirely?

Racism, like any other problem, cannot be eradicated by the same level of energy or consciousness with which it was created. Einstein said that plainly.   

So, what can we do? How can we rid the planet of this terrible affliction?

Racism of any kind is nothing more or less than an extreme form of bullying. It harms the same way. It shames the same way. It kills the same way...and it comes from a human, who is so full of self loathing and lack of self respect and esteem, that the only way they can create the illusion of rising up is to knock down or unbalance another they want to believe is less than. The operative words are “WANT TO BELIEVE”. 

And as a relationship coach, I strongly reiterate that we all must seek to become aware of and heal our childhood wounded-ness, whatever it may be that was passed down generationally to us in the way of patterning. Only then can we break the cycle and have children that possess healthy and balanced self awareness. 

If we allow our kids to grow up with a distorted idea of themselves, they abuse, they become abused, they bully or are bullied. They grow up to be the very racists we abhor; the bad cop or judge, the rioter, the looter, the unscrupulous business owner or politician...or the oppressed by the hand of the bullies I mention.

A bully is defined as a person or group who seeks to harm another he/she perceives as different. The use of force, coercion, or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. Does this sound like a racist to you?

It is a matter of conscious awareness and education and changing the way we view the world around us.  The laws of physics dictate that when we bring energy to one side of a problem, we actually fuel it as well as the other side. So, Einstein was right! It is a very hard thing to understand.

Until we are willing to see our collective part as individuals, we will suffer. Until we find a higher level of consciousness in which to exist, we will continue as we have been. Seek to do what it takes to understand and let go of generational patterning that keeps you stuck in old ways. And out of that space comes compassion and grace…AND freedom from things like racism.